Jumping into the Volcano -- Cancer as a Creative Force

By Elke Siller Macartney (www.auralady.com)

The Bad News Call

My friend, a very talented medical intuitive and healer, just called. She had bad news. Her dad, a friend of mine as well, had been diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread to the liver. Might be inoperable. My friend was inconsolable?her mom had died only a few months ago from a long bout with kidney disease and years of dialysis. She couldn't bear the thought of another parent leaving her so soon ... and just as her dad was beginning to create a new life for himself in his retirement, and his life as a single person.

"And you know what bugs me the most, Elke?" she asked in a defeated voice. "He's in no pain, he says he's all right, and he continues to walk his four miles a day! Can you imagine?!?"

"Well, what do you expect him to do now that a diagnosis has been made?" I asked right back. "Why isn't it correct for him to walk his four miles, or continue on with his life, or do any thing he wants? What do you indeed expect him to do? Stop living because he has cancer?"

That gave her pause. And it gave me pause too. What indeed does one do with that sort of news? Race into action? Lie down and cry? Sit in peace with it? Yell at God ... a lot? Brace oneself for the fall to come? Count one's blessings? Any of the above or none of the above?

And why is it that those of us on a spiritual path, when confronted with someone who says they are OK with whatever process they're going through, immediately call that statement into question? Is it because, as we all "know," that is the statement of a person in denial? Really? Could it be that the person is absolutely correct?they ARE just fine? Could it be that we could support him/her by affirming that all?right?ness, instead of calling it into question?

I found myself saying to my friend a few more words that I've had to ponder at great length after I said them: "Your dad is in a very creative space right now. The cancer is not a death sentence. It's a wake up call; a call for him to create the life he wants. After counseling hundreds of clients with cancer, I've seen so many of them create a new life while experiencing it. Please, allow him that possibility. "

My Personal Volcano

CANCER. The word has such a charge to it. In North America, and other affluent, not? countries, it is a word that strikes fear into the heart of even the most hardy of us. Cancer. It is seen as the enemy, something that needs to be purged from our collective body and psyche. As a survivor of cancer myself, and as one who has gone through a recent cancer "scare" I know the effects of that word and my name being uttered in the same sentence. As in: "Elke, the tests are a bit inconclusive, but there does seem to be an indication of "cancerous growth...." And then the rest of the words fade to black because anything after the word cancerous" is inconsequential. A feeling of doom tends to quickly take precedence.

I remember that very feeling recently as I pondered some symptoms I'd been having. Dull pain, right lower abdomen: the site of tumors and cancer in my past. I contemplated my life of?the?moment: very busy as a counselor and shamanic healer, my life had been taken over by the needs of many others?including those of my two children and husband and friends. I sometimes worked six days straight doing very intense spiritual work. And, as much as I enjoyed my work, and as blessed as I felt to be able to offer my gifts, I knew I was burning out. I felt tired after giving certain treatments, and found myself taking longer and longer to recover. I felt the low?grade abdominal pain intensify and insinuate itself into my life. I started to cancel appointments because of the fatigue and pain.

And then a voice spoke in my head one day, in the middle of a session with someone: "You have cancer, you know." A nasty, smirky voice. The voice said nothing else. Just left me with that thought form to ponder. I brushed it away. And then I heard it again from out of nowhere while doing dishes a few days later. And again and again, I heard the voice when I least expected it.

At first, I used every purging technique I knew: I lit candies and smudged with sage. I sent the voice back to where it came from. I ignored it, ridiculed it right back, and told it to "shut up! ". None of those things worked. So, now I had this annoying voice to add to the pain in my gut ... not a happy combination.

I decided to undergo medical testing. All the tests were either very suggestive or very inconclusive, causing me great confusion. Cancer was mentioned on a couple of occasions. And when the word was mentioned, I immediately jumped into angry, justified defiance: fifteen years ago, after I had a run?in with a very rapidly?growing cancerous tumor, I was assured by my Spirit that I would never have to re?experience that again. By "that" I expected Spirit to mean the cancer. So when the word and my name were mentioned in the same sentence fifteen years later, 1 was furious

While dealing with the pain and fear, there came a dredging up of old feelings and experiences. Painful experiences twenty, thirty, forty years old that I had not healed, and that I'd shoved deep 'inside of me. Feelings came up, like a sudden lava flow, when I re?examined those experiences. The possibility of illness brought it all to the surface. And I am, this very day, still bringing up more to be examined and healed. I am currently on sabbatical from my practice, until further notice. A very scary proposition for one who does not get sick leave or vacation pay. Yet this is a very rich time in my life as well.

Volcanoes and Life Forces

Which brings me to an insight that came to me the other day, from an unlikely source. On a recent camping trip with my family, I was drawn to a forest ranger lecture at the nearby visitor's station. The talk was on the geology of the Western states, and particularly the stunning geological formations that surrounded us all in the form of the Cascade mountain range. Frankly, I was a little bored with the presentation until he spoke about looking at the BIG picture of the geology of the earth. He pointed out a few fascinating facts: Under a relatively thin crust, the Earth's middle is made up of exceedingly hot, molten lava. This lava is in constant motion. Once in awhile, the lava breaks through the surface and creates: new land masses, new mountains, the foundation for new life, even whole new ecological systems. And here was an interesting note that had me sit up and take notice: There isn't a person on this good earth that really knows which way this lava is flowing. And we only know a little bit about when it may bubble up to the surface.

What a mystery! We, who live here on an increasingly small world, do not even know about the true flow and rhythm of our inner?world. But what we DO know is this: according to geologists, the earth is kept alive by this very flow and movement. And the friction it causes on the surface of the earth, in the form of earthquakes and volcanoes, keeps the planet creating and evolving. So, no hot lava or friction or earth movement, no LIFE. This would be a dead planet like Mars. Wow,

Cancer as Volcano

Cancer can be viewed from a similar perspective. It often arrives, unannounced. Something happens to us inside, and we don't know why, most times. Our own inner workings are a mystery to us. We live our lives at break?neck speed at times, trying to cover all the bases: running after success or fulfillment, and other illusive goals. Most of our lives run on automatic pilot: in our childhood our training begins. Later, our habits take over, and we just keep doing what is expected of us.

And then something happens: a switch is flipped that turns on the cancer current. We invite the cancer into our lives for reasons that are, as yet, mostly unknown. Yet we are also discovering why it is that some of us have invited cancer (or other illnesses) into our lives. Cancer has a way of stirring things up. We are face to face with the possibility of death or disfigurement. That can bring up all of our not?too?well hidden fears: about death, about pain. Sometimes about the possible abandonment by God (although, I wonder, where would God go?). Or being abandoned by our family and friends, as cancer brings up our self esteem issues: "What awful thing did I do to deserve this?" "What are people going to think of me?" or "I'm not loveable any more."

Much like the friction of the earth's crust as it moves against itself from the force of moving lava, cancer creates all sorts of friction in our lives. It upsets our rhythm It takes us away from the known and throws us into uncharted territory.

And it can also create. Yup, you read that right. Cancer not only destroys, it creates. If we allow it to be so, cancer can act as the catalyst for a whole new way of doing our lives. It can create a new value system. It can allow old dreams to emerge and be entertained again. It can give us a fresh new look at life. It can create new visions, new goals to aspire to. Cancer can create a new life.

Still In the Volcano's Path

As I type this, a candle bums brightly in a comer of my office. I'm staring at a bumper sticker I set up in front of my computer screen: "Expect a miracle." I'm also laughing at another one tacked to the wall that shouts, "Oh no! Not another learning experience!" Well, yes, another learning experience has been shifting my life around. I am seeking healing from all sorts of sources: energy work, diet, and just taking it easy. I do not know where this flow is pushing me. I don't even know, in this moment, if I still have cancer, to tell the truth. The pain in my lower abdomen comes and goes, but mostly just broods there, like a slow bum, reminding me that I'm still in the middle of this creative time. I wonder what is going to erupt next. More pain? A new life? Death? Miracles?

Probably the latter. Because I'm here, and I'm breathing, and the inner workings of myself and the earth are still moving.

Lovejoy Harvest
Shakti Chionis, Reiki Master/Teacher
Whole Foods Chef and Culinary Artist
P.O. Box 864
Coupeville, WA 98239
shakti@lovejoyharvest.com
By appointment only....360-678-5657

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